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"I'm alone. It's dark. It doesnt make sense. Why am I here? What did I do? Why can't I remember anything that happened last night? Did I leave the clothes iron on?"
Those questions came to mind hours ago, before it all came back to me. All I remembered last night was me screaming at the top of my lungs "I DIDN'T MEAN TO DO IT!" over and over again when they were dragging me to my cell. The reason why I ended up in this place of solitude was still a mystery until just now.
I woke up a couple of hours ago. I didn't know if it was day or night, there was no way of telling. No light is visible where I am. I'm isolated from the rest of the prisoners. I was thinking, "was what I did so bad that I am not treated like the rest of the prisoners in here?"
Although somehow I felt a sense of relief. It was as if a huge boulder had been lifted off my shoulders. I was feeling a completely different feeling that what I would normally feel. I was always stressed out, sleepless, and would have constant headaches.
i forgot what i was thinking about,i was overwhelemed by this strange feeling. For a brief moment i was free. Free from this shitty hell hole i call my life. ironic eh? The only place that i felt the most free was in jail.
You see, I always felt like a prisoner. All through my life I was always told what to do, how to act, what to say, and even how to feel. I was a doormat that people would walk all over. My parents, wife, and boss never fail to ruin my day, not to mention my life. My mom and dad made my childhood a nightmare, my boss makes my time in the workplace a living hell, and my wife covers the rest of the day. Yeah, it couldn't get any worse.
Then after a few moments that felt like a lifetime, I started to think. I stood up and started to walk in a straight imaginary line. Before I knew it, I was pacing back and forth, but it was nothing clearer than a dull foggy day in my mind. I continued to pace for another hour or so. It was quiet, but inside my head I was a mess. I hear my feet make a sound, "clack...clack...", that's the sound I hear everytime I make a step. I got sick of the blasted sound after a while so i stopped and sat down.
As I did that, I felt that there was something in my pocket. I reached down and pulled out a piece of neatly folded paper, but slightly crumpled. Even though it was too dark to see my own hand in front of my face, it was clear as to what it was. It's the bill for the rent. A piece of yesterday came back to me.....
I remembered the first thing I heard when I woke up was the irritating sound of my wife's voice, shouting at me to get downstairs. Her voice when she shouts like that, is like how I imagine the devil would sound like, or maybe even worse. I came down to eat breakfast, but only to see the face of immeasurable anger. She yelled, "JULIUS, ARE YOU GOING TO WAIT UNTIL WE GET KICKED OUT OF THE HOUSE BEFORE YOU PAY THE RENT? FOR HEAVENS SAKE JULIUS, WE HAVEN'T PAID THE STUPID RENT FOR THREE MONTHS NOW!" She threw the bill at my face and then walked away without serving me breakfast. What a way to start a day.
That was a good sign, I remembered something. Hoping to find the missing pieces of the puzzle, I reached down to my pocket again and pulled out something else. It was smooth on the outside, and was made of paper. It's an empty pack of cigarettes. That was weird because I don't smoke. Then I remembered another piece of that day.....
From our "lovely" home, I went to the office. I was a little late for work because of the heavy traffic. When I got there my boss was standing outside the assembly room with a look on his face. He looked like a lioness ready to pounce for the kill. It was not a pretty sight. He was smoking a cigarette, maybe to calm his nerves. Although it was clear it wasn't working when he saw me. It turned out I was supposed to be there an hour ago for an important meeting, so he was waiting for me the whole time. I explained my case and said I was stuck in the middle of a traffic jam. He didn't want too hear anything I had to say, I was looking at his face and it seemed like smoke was still comming out of his nose, even though he had stopped smoking then. Or was it just in my head? I don't know, all I know is that he was extremely angry. He yelled at me for a few more minutes, then I heard him utter the phrase "YOU'RE FIRED!". I was crushed. I didn't know what he said next, because I stopped paying attention after he said that. Then he gave me the packet of cigarettes with just one stick left and said, "You'll need this when you tell your wife what happened." and walked away.
I kind of wished I didn't remember that part, and I still don't know why i'm here. I searched my pocket again and pulled out a coin; a nickel. I find that odd because they took my wallet before I was locked up. Then it happened again. It reminded me of yesterday.....
I was on my way home when I remembered that my wife had been nagging me the past week to get a new knife for the kitchen. She made it clear to not forget to buy it. So I did just that. I went to the local hardware store to look for one. I looked around, up and down the isles, trying to find the perfect knife to meet my wife's standards. Sharp enough to cut meat easily. When I thought I found the perfect one, I asked the sales representative to open the container for me so that I could see for myself up close, if the blade was good before buying it. I decided that it was decent, and went to pay for it. I had $10.00 in my pocket at the time and the knife cost $9.95, so I got a nickel for change.
Then after that flashback, I thought to myself, "Why am I remembering such unimportant things?, I need to know what I did!" Determined to know the truth, I reached down again and pulled out a hairclip.
Then all of a sudden my cell went bright. The light was blinding. I was shocked to see what the light revealed. I had blood stains all over my clothes, and dried blood on my hands. "What happened?!" I thought. Then I remembered the hairclip. I stared at it for a good 30 seconds, then it hit me.....
After returning from the store, I drove home. I saw my neighbors comming into the house. It made sense becuase it was Tuesday, my wife's bookclub meeting was held at our house this week. Even though i'm not a member of this "Book Club", I know what happens in their meetings. Back then I thought, "They don't talk about books, oh no... they talk about me." Yeah, I think i've totally lost it at that point. The reason that I thought that is because it made sense in my head. I thought back to all those times my neighbors would stare at me. As if I didn't see them doing it. They think i'm some low-life loser. They must be wondering why my wife ended up marrying me. They were really on my case. I could feel it... or was I only feeling paranoia because of my very low self-esteem?
I entered my house. I saw Tanya, my lovely wife, seated on the sofa with the rest of the book club members. She stood up and gave me a peck on the lips. She was smiling. It had been a long time since I last saw her smile. It made me more paranoid. I felt that the smoke I had in my pocket would come in handy right about now, so I said, "I need a little air hun, i'll be outside for a bit." I lit up the last stick my former boss gave me. I was shivering. I didn't know how my wife would react when I say the horrible news. Would her seemingly good mood make her less angry? There was only one way to find out. I went back inside with my bag still on my shoulder. I was too worried to put it down. I apprached her slowly. The cigarette I just had didn't help me at all. I was still shaking as I was about to tell her what had happened. I had to tell her, so i said, "Hun", in a low quaking voice. "I got fired earlier. I'm sorry." I saw her mood change radically in just a blink of an eye. I knew her good mood wouldn't last that long. It was like seeing a pack of wolves that was about to strike. It was a glimpse of hell.
She started shouting on the top of her lungs, yelling and cursing. She didn't even care that the neighbors were watching. Each word hit me like a hammer to my ribs. Each word she said brought back memories of my childhood. I remembered all of the times I was yelled at. I remembered all the times my father would punch my because of dissapointment. I remembered all the times people treated me like dirt. She gave me the final blow when she said, "I'm tired of this. I'm leaving you." Then I snapped....
I grabbed her by her hair and pulled out the knife I just moments ago had bought. I remembered her hairclip hurting my hand, so I removed it to get a better grip. I held the edge of the knife lightly against the skin of her neck. One move and shes done for... but I didn't wait for her to make the first move. The neighbors were panicking. They were trying to communicate with me but I wasn't hearing any voices. One by one my senses failed me. I was going berzerk. There was only one thing running through my mind, and that was the word kill. I don't know what happened next. The next thing I knew I was being dragged to this cell.
Then after remembering all that, an officer opened my locked up, big, steel, cell door, and said, "You did quite a horrible deed... you killed alot of people." Before he had said that I thought I only murdered my wife. Then he told me 10 bodies had been found in my house. All killed not by stabbing, but by slashing of the neck. He wouldn't tell me the names of my victims though. I felt neutral. Not able to cope with the reality of what has happened. So then, yet again, checked my pocket. I pulled out a note. It was from my wife. It said to pick up the kids from their friends house. I broke down. I was relieved to know i hadn't slayn my two little girls. Tears started to fall from my eyes. I shouted on the top of my lungs, "TANYA! I'M SO SORRY! I'M AN IDIOT, I DIDNT MEAN TOO, PLEASE COME BACK!" What could sorry do now? Nothing. It wouldn't bring my wife back, it wouldn't bring our friends back, and it will never stop my kids from hating me the rest of their lives. I don't blame them in the least bit.
My name is Julius. Prisoner number 03256-1534. Serial killer.
Those questions came to mind hours ago, before it all came back to me. All I remembered last night was me screaming at the top of my lungs "I DIDN'T MEAN TO DO IT!" over and over again when they were dragging me to my cell. The reason why I ended up in this place of solitude was still a mystery until just now.
I woke up a couple of hours ago. I didn't know if it was day or night, there was no way of telling. No light is visible where I am. I'm isolated from the rest of the prisoners. I was thinking, "was what I did so bad that I am not treated like the rest of the prisoners in here?"
Although somehow I felt a sense of relief. It was as if a huge boulder had been lifted off my shoulders. I was feeling a completely different feeling that what I would normally feel. I was always stressed out, sleepless, and would have constant headaches.
i forgot what i was thinking about,i was overwhelemed by this strange feeling. For a brief moment i was free. Free from this shitty hell hole i call my life. ironic eh? The only place that i felt the most free was in jail.
You see, I always felt like a prisoner. All through my life I was always told what to do, how to act, what to say, and even how to feel. I was a doormat that people would walk all over. My parents, wife, and boss never fail to ruin my day, not to mention my life. My mom and dad made my childhood a nightmare, my boss makes my time in the workplace a living hell, and my wife covers the rest of the day. Yeah, it couldn't get any worse.
Then after a few moments that felt like a lifetime, I started to think. I stood up and started to walk in a straight imaginary line. Before I knew it, I was pacing back and forth, but it was nothing clearer than a dull foggy day in my mind. I continued to pace for another hour or so. It was quiet, but inside my head I was a mess. I hear my feet make a sound, "clack...clack...", that's the sound I hear everytime I make a step. I got sick of the blasted sound after a while so i stopped and sat down.
As I did that, I felt that there was something in my pocket. I reached down and pulled out a piece of neatly folded paper, but slightly crumpled. Even though it was too dark to see my own hand in front of my face, it was clear as to what it was. It's the bill for the rent. A piece of yesterday came back to me.....
I remembered the first thing I heard when I woke up was the irritating sound of my wife's voice, shouting at me to get downstairs. Her voice when she shouts like that, is like how I imagine the devil would sound like, or maybe even worse. I came down to eat breakfast, but only to see the face of immeasurable anger. She yelled, "JULIUS, ARE YOU GOING TO WAIT UNTIL WE GET KICKED OUT OF THE HOUSE BEFORE YOU PAY THE RENT? FOR HEAVENS SAKE JULIUS, WE HAVEN'T PAID THE STUPID RENT FOR THREE MONTHS NOW!" She threw the bill at my face and then walked away without serving me breakfast. What a way to start a day.
That was a good sign, I remembered something. Hoping to find the missing pieces of the puzzle, I reached down to my pocket again and pulled out something else. It was smooth on the outside, and was made of paper. It's an empty pack of cigarettes. That was weird because I don't smoke. Then I remembered another piece of that day.....
From our "lovely" home, I went to the office. I was a little late for work because of the heavy traffic. When I got there my boss was standing outside the assembly room with a look on his face. He looked like a lioness ready to pounce for the kill. It was not a pretty sight. He was smoking a cigarette, maybe to calm his nerves. Although it was clear it wasn't working when he saw me. It turned out I was supposed to be there an hour ago for an important meeting, so he was waiting for me the whole time. I explained my case and said I was stuck in the middle of a traffic jam. He didn't want too hear anything I had to say, I was looking at his face and it seemed like smoke was still comming out of his nose, even though he had stopped smoking then. Or was it just in my head? I don't know, all I know is that he was extremely angry. He yelled at me for a few more minutes, then I heard him utter the phrase "YOU'RE FIRED!". I was crushed. I didn't know what he said next, because I stopped paying attention after he said that. Then he gave me the packet of cigarettes with just one stick left and said, "You'll need this when you tell your wife what happened." and walked away.
I kind of wished I didn't remember that part, and I still don't know why i'm here. I searched my pocket again and pulled out a coin; a nickel. I find that odd because they took my wallet before I was locked up. Then it happened again. It reminded me of yesterday.....
I was on my way home when I remembered that my wife had been nagging me the past week to get a new knife for the kitchen. She made it clear to not forget to buy it. So I did just that. I went to the local hardware store to look for one. I looked around, up and down the isles, trying to find the perfect knife to meet my wife's standards. Sharp enough to cut meat easily. When I thought I found the perfect one, I asked the sales representative to open the container for me so that I could see for myself up close, if the blade was good before buying it. I decided that it was decent, and went to pay for it. I had $10.00 in my pocket at the time and the knife cost $9.95, so I got a nickel for change.
Then after that flashback, I thought to myself, "Why am I remembering such unimportant things?, I need to know what I did!" Determined to know the truth, I reached down again and pulled out a hairclip.
Then all of a sudden my cell went bright. The light was blinding. I was shocked to see what the light revealed. I had blood stains all over my clothes, and dried blood on my hands. "What happened?!" I thought. Then I remembered the hairclip. I stared at it for a good 30 seconds, then it hit me.....
After returning from the store, I drove home. I saw my neighbors comming into the house. It made sense becuase it was Tuesday, my wife's bookclub meeting was held at our house this week. Even though i'm not a member of this "Book Club", I know what happens in their meetings. Back then I thought, "They don't talk about books, oh no... they talk about me." Yeah, I think i've totally lost it at that point. The reason that I thought that is because it made sense in my head. I thought back to all those times my neighbors would stare at me. As if I didn't see them doing it. They think i'm some low-life loser. They must be wondering why my wife ended up marrying me. They were really on my case. I could feel it... or was I only feeling paranoia because of my very low self-esteem?
I entered my house. I saw Tanya, my lovely wife, seated on the sofa with the rest of the book club members. She stood up and gave me a peck on the lips. She was smiling. It had been a long time since I last saw her smile. It made me more paranoid. I felt that the smoke I had in my pocket would come in handy right about now, so I said, "I need a little air hun, i'll be outside for a bit." I lit up the last stick my former boss gave me. I was shivering. I didn't know how my wife would react when I say the horrible news. Would her seemingly good mood make her less angry? There was only one way to find out. I went back inside with my bag still on my shoulder. I was too worried to put it down. I apprached her slowly. The cigarette I just had didn't help me at all. I was still shaking as I was about to tell her what had happened. I had to tell her, so i said, "Hun", in a low quaking voice. "I got fired earlier. I'm sorry." I saw her mood change radically in just a blink of an eye. I knew her good mood wouldn't last that long. It was like seeing a pack of wolves that was about to strike. It was a glimpse of hell.
She started shouting on the top of her lungs, yelling and cursing. She didn't even care that the neighbors were watching. Each word hit me like a hammer to my ribs. Each word she said brought back memories of my childhood. I remembered all of the times I was yelled at. I remembered all the times my father would punch my because of dissapointment. I remembered all the times people treated me like dirt. She gave me the final blow when she said, "I'm tired of this. I'm leaving you." Then I snapped....
I grabbed her by her hair and pulled out the knife I just moments ago had bought. I remembered her hairclip hurting my hand, so I removed it to get a better grip. I held the edge of the knife lightly against the skin of her neck. One move and shes done for... but I didn't wait for her to make the first move. The neighbors were panicking. They were trying to communicate with me but I wasn't hearing any voices. One by one my senses failed me. I was going berzerk. There was only one thing running through my mind, and that was the word kill. I don't know what happened next. The next thing I knew I was being dragged to this cell.
Then after remembering all that, an officer opened my locked up, big, steel, cell door, and said, "You did quite a horrible deed... you killed alot of people." Before he had said that I thought I only murdered my wife. Then he told me 10 bodies had been found in my house. All killed not by stabbing, but by slashing of the neck. He wouldn't tell me the names of my victims though. I felt neutral. Not able to cope with the reality of what has happened. So then, yet again, checked my pocket. I pulled out a note. It was from my wife. It said to pick up the kids from their friends house. I broke down. I was relieved to know i hadn't slayn my two little girls. Tears started to fall from my eyes. I shouted on the top of my lungs, "TANYA! I'M SO SORRY! I'M AN IDIOT, I DIDNT MEAN TOO, PLEASE COME BACK!" What could sorry do now? Nothing. It wouldn't bring my wife back, it wouldn't bring our friends back, and it will never stop my kids from hating me the rest of their lives. I don't blame them in the least bit.
My name is Julius. Prisoner number 03256-1534. Serial killer.
